Cries of “Should you not be revising?”, “Get off your phone”, “You’re going to fail”, “You’ll regret it if you don’t put any effort in!” will be heard across homes over the next month ahead of the forthcoming GCSEs and A levels.
As exam season fast approaches, many young people will be feeling the pressure – and so will their parents. With a son in Year 11 doing some GCSE modules this May, I can vouch for that.
Whether you have a child who locks themselves in their room all evening with their head in their books or one for whom you have to send out a search party to try and get them to revise for just 10 minutes, it can be a challenging time.
All young people are different, both in the way they revise and the way they show their stress.
Stress can also manifest in many ways – from tearfulness and insomnia to a lack of appetite or binge eating. Alternatively, young people may show their stress by socialising too much or withdrawing from social activities altogether.
Nor are all stress indicators obvious. Stress can manifest in not being able to organise themselves and avoiding subjects they struggle in because of a fear of failure, for example. This inactivity can often be misinterpreted by parents as laziness and not caring about doing well, when the opposite is true.
Young people can be better at learning visually, aurally or kinaesthetically. Some may revise best using flashcards and quizzes, others learn by making mind maps, doing past papers or even memorising facts whilst kicking a football against a wall.
Method of Loci is a technique involving envisioning a location or physical space that you are extremely familiar with such as where you live or your walk to school. In this location you attach the terms, dates and information you are memorising and visualise seeing the different areas.
We all want the best for our children, and it’s natural to hope they’ll succeed. But, while we know that while exams are important, our child’s wellbeing matters more.
Research from Northern Ireland parenting support charity Parenting Focus show that stress levels can quickly rise when expectations from schools, parents, and even our young people’s peers become too much.
So, what should parents be doing to help support our children get them through the next two months?
Emma Hitchen, a Senior Participation and Research Officer at Parenting Focus, shares some advice on what parents can do to reassure and support their young people:
1. Take breaks
Start by giving your child permission to take breaks. It may seem counter-intuitive when they’re facing big exams, but short, regular breaks improve focus and memory. Encourage them to step away from the books or screen, go for a walk, get some fresh air, or do something active – especially with a friend. Physical activity can be a great stressbuster.
2. Be available
Let your child know you’re there. You don’t need to watch them study but reminding them that you’re available if they want help or if they just need a chat can make all the difference. Being present and approachable creates a safe space where they can share their worries.
3. Encourage sleep
Sleep is really important for teenagers. It might feel like there’s not enough time to revise and rest, but without good sleep, concentration and motivation will dip. Help your child wind down in the evenings and avoid late night cramming.
4. Eat well
Nutrition also plays a role. Keep the house stocked with healthy snacks, especially if they’re tempted to rely on sugary or high-caffeine options. A balanced diet can support brain function and energy levels. And remember, not everything has to be perfect.
5. Relax chores
During exam season, it’s okay if bedrooms are messier than usual or if your child is a bit moodier. Try to be relaxed about chores and give them some space, it will only last a few weeks.
6. Manage expectations
Perhaps most importantly, manage expectations. It’s easy to get caught up in the race for top grades, but too much pressure can make children afraid to fail. Reassure them that no matter what happens, they will always have options.
Exams are tough on our young people, but with the right support, we can make things easier for them. The most powerful message we can give our children is: “I’m proud of you, no matter what.”
7. Get help
If your child is particularly anxious or struggling with their mental health, don’t hesitate to reach out for help.
For further support and resources, you can call the Parenting Focus helpline on 0808 8010 722 or visit parentingfocus.org.