Ask Allison: My husband’s unresolved grief at the tragic death of his brother makes him hard to live with. How can I help him?

Question: I’m married to a lovely man who has experienced loss in a tragic way. His brother took his own life years ago and he refuses to get the help he needs to resolve the issues he has with this. His first marriage ended in turmoil, with his children resenting the manner in which he treated their mother. He doesn’t talk to his siblings. He is a closed book. He is egotistical and arrogant but only sometimes. Other times he is loving and expressive but I only see glimpses of this. He displays narcissist traits. He has few friends. What can I do to help him? He is worth the effort. Sometimes.